If you’re here in South Florida, as soon as you perceived that half degree plummet from 85 to 84.5, you knew the holidays were upon us.
Now, in the first week of December, we have plunged fully into the heart of the holiday season. For those dealing with the recent (or not so recent) loss of a loved one, holidays mean something different than they do for the general population. You don’t necessarily have the privilege of sharing in all the hullabaloo surrounding the parties, decorations, and joy for tradition that you recognize in the people around you.
You may, contrary to them, feel overwhelmingly aware of how this year is going to be different than all the years before. If you’re carrying the backpack of grief this year, you may be wondering how you’re going to get through. If you recognize yourself anywhere in this description, let me give you just a few techniques that my lovely group members and me have come up with for making it through the holiday season:
1. Tell Sadness, “Not Today.”
You’re going to experience moments of overwhelm, and this is completely normal. You have the option, however, of setting a limit to the overwhelm you experience. If you have things to get done or tasks to complete, tell your sadness, out loud, “That’s enough.” Doing so will reinforce your knowledge that you can choose the moments you sit in your grief and the moments you put it aside.
2. Start a Journal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings will not solve your problems, but it can give you a sense of ownership over your emotions. Journaling isn’t for everyone, but if you feel ready I would recommend jotting down a few sentences each day.
3. Choose Connection
Isolation is a natural tendency of those experiencing grief. I encourage you to choose connection. Identify the people around you who support you and do one thing with them this season. Maybe consider joining a support group? (I recommend Life After Loss, but whatever floats your boat is cool with me). The idea here is – don’t let your grief shut you inside your house all by yourself. Choose to connect with other people, even if just in small doses.
4. Find Your “Me, Too”
There are a number of excellent books, podcasts, movies, and quotes I recommend to people on the grief journey. You don’t have to read or watch all of them, but pick one. Seeing yourself in the pages is cathartic. It promotes the principle of universality, which is what makes group therapy so valuable to begin with. It is healing to know someone else has shared the human experience you are facing. Want a list of my favorite recommendations when it comes to top-notch grief material? That will be coming in the next blog. For now, check out my Book List for a few ideas.
5. Repeat Our Mantra: It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling when you’re feeling it.
This sounds simple, and it is! We tend to overcomplicate our emotional experience and we end up arriving at a place where we think grief is the enemy and we have to fight it constantly. That’s exhausting. Give yourself permission to be human, and just allow those waves of grief to wash over you as they come.
Wherever you find yourself on the grief journey this holiday season, know you are not alone. So many in this city are enduring the same kind of pain you are. Connecting those people is what makes my job so rewarding.
So, a final word to the grieving: Don’t let the holidays keep you from connection. Use these simple tools to add some color to a time that can be dark, and watch the change that unfolds when you do.